Trials and Error

Admission number one: I am a terrible blogger. I know this because I just looked at the date of my last post. Admission number two: It has been a trying, wonderful, frustrating, joyous four months since that last post. 


I have seen so many changes in all three of our kids. But nearly all of it has been a result of trial and error (and more error than success was often the result). One of my dear friends just had a beautiful baby girl, and as we awaited her arrival, I fell into the regrettable position of offering (perhaps unwanted) advice on the art of child-rearing. I think we all do that, but WHY? No child is alike. No child responds to the same incentives, the same directives, the same anything. And I have finally begun to realize that is true of my boys as well. You know, as parents, we set out to treat our children fairly; equally. And sometimes, in doing so, we do our children a disservice. They are NOT the same children, and therefore, do NOT respond to the same methods and ideas. We are still at the very beginning of a very long road to figuring out what different things our kids need along the way. 


This summer has already been one of transformation and, in some ways, stagnation, although I would hope that our stalls are for the greater good of progress. We enrolled Andru in the Summer Treatment Program, a day camp for kids with ADHD and other behavioral challenges.  The camp has been wonderful in providing consistency and structure for Andru. However, it has also seemed to magnify the challenges we have been struggling with since his arrival. In part, I think this is because Andru is angry--angry that he now has rules, angry that he has lost some of the control that he values so much.  But I try to remind myself that this is GOOD. At some point, that anger will turn to acceptance and maybe even gratitude for the life he has and the family that loves him enough to give him rules and boundaries. But slowly but surely, my little man is learning how to be NINE. And hopefully, by the time he is ten, that will be something he enjoys:)


Ethan, has transformed into this happy, sweet little boy, and he continues to grow everyday. He has never been separated from Andru and the separation while Andru has been at camp has been an amazing catalyst for him. He suddenly finds himself able to be his own person, to find a strength which he did not need while under Andru's wing. In the last week, he tied his shoes for the first time, caught his first fish, and scored seven (yes, SEVEN) goals in his soccer game. Above all else, Ethan TRUSTS. He told me today that I'm "the best mommy he's ever had". You have no idea how that touches me--because, tragically, he has had A LOT of mother figures in his life. But I get to be mommy. And that's pretty awesome. The true testament, though, is his friendship with his little sister. They are BEST friends. And it so amazing to watch.


Gabbi is...a phenomenal little girl. Through every step of this process, much of which has taken from her coveted attention, she has been generous, loving and patient. Often, I'm afraid, more patient than I. She loves her brothers so fiercely. I have never had to explain their presence or their behavior, other than to say we love them and they are here forever. She shows them the way, reminds them of the rules (very happily, I might add) and treasures rare moments alone with mommy and daddy. 


So, with specifics to follow, there are my thoughts on these past whirlwind months. I have made many mistakes, but despite that, my kids have had so many successes, perhaps in spite of me and the things I thought would work. One prayer resonates in my head as this all passes by at lightening speed:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdom to know the difference.