The Peanut's Perspective

So, a blog would not really be complete unless I took a moment to talk about our "peanut", Miss Gabbi. She's the light of our lives, a joy to be around, and just gosh darn adorable. (I'm not biased or anything, she's just the coolest kid on the planet)


Gabbi will be three in September (going on twenty) and she has been a huge part of this process. The first time I brought the idea up to her, we were in the car. I asked her what she would think about having big brothers and sisters in the house. Two tiny fists in the air, she yelled, "YAYYYY!! Mommy! I would love big brothers and sisters!!" Now for those of you that think, she's three, she couldn't possibly understand...you must not have met Gabbi yet :)


Since that day, we talk to her about everything. We had to leave her with her adoring Uncle Christopher twice a week to go to our foster certification class this summer. Every night, she would say, "Go get me big brotherrrrrrsss!!!!" We show her pictures of the kids we are looking at as potential matches, and we talk to her about what our caseworkers were doing here during homestudies, etc. 


I'm not saying there won't be adjustment issues, after all, she has been an only child for the first three years of her life. But she's as ready as we are to share our home and our family. She has, however, recently declared that she would really like a big sister, too, so someone could share her room. Gabbi and I spend a lot of our time together, since Brian works nights and sleeps during the day. She is so excited about all of this, and I know she will be world's greatest sister. 


I did have one concern---we live in rural Chautauqua County, where racial and cultural diversity are not exactly on an upswing. I wasn't sure what Gabbi would say when she saw our new family members, who most likely be a different color than she is. "Out of the mouths of babes" became a bit of a terrifying idea. And then, as usual, she proved to be much smarter and cooler than I give her credit for. We were in a doctor's office, surrounded by kids who were all of a different race. She looked around, looked at me, and said, "Mommy, are these ALL my brothers and sisters???" Cool kid. She's gonna be great.

Patience is a virtue...

So, here we are in our certification week and I am already impatient for the next step. I bought another twin bed frame this week (bringing our total to three). There are new comforters and sheets in the closet, and I have been trolling Craig's list for kid-appropriate dressers I can refinish. The hardest part is that we simply do not know what to expect. We could get two boys, two boys and a  girl, three boys and a girl...Where to begin??? 


I keep walking past what will be their room. I can hear the sounds of their voices in our house, and I long for the pitter-patter of more little feet running around upstairs. I told Brian I just hope they are here for Christmas--I want it to be the best one they--and we--have ever had. I want to enroll them in football and karate and dance class. I want to drive them all to school in the morning, and tuck them all in at night. I want to surround them with our incredible friends and family. 


For now, we are in a bit of a holding pattern. Every day, I look at the pictures of our "maybe family" and wonder which children will be the ones walking through our door to stay forever. I wonder if they will hug me, or if they will even want to talk to me at first. Regardless, I know that, for now, I will wait, and hope. 

What about the "bad kids"?

"There are no unwanted children, just unfound families."--Anonymous


We have been so lucky to have been surrounded by amazing people who are incredibly supportive and excited about our decision to adopt from foster care. I have received so many beautiful blessings from high school and college classmates, family friends and our wonderful close friends and family. (A lot of them have been in response to this blog, which is so cool, and yet, no one is "following" the blog, which makes me feel silly. Hint. Hint.) 


I want to publicly thank the amazing people who served as references for us. My principal, Josh, Greg, Leigh-Anne and Dave, Jamie and Jon, the Lights, the Bairds and Danielle, who also told me she would chip in for a new mortgage payment if I could take all of the kids:) I have GREAT friends!!! 


However, there are still people who look at me as if I might have three heads and a tail when I tell them what we've been up to this summer. Then come the questions: Aren't you worried about those kids coming into your house? Will Gabbi be safe? What made you want to do something like that?? So, here are your answers: 
#1.) I would be worried about ANY new people coming into my house, not just these kids because they're coming from foster care. And the rewards outweigh the risks a million times---we get to share our home and our family with kids who desperately need the love and stability we can provide. 
#2.) If you think I would ever do anything to put Gabbi in danger, you're crazy! We are making an informed, researched decision as a family, and that includes our daughter's opinion and her safety. Why are kids coming out of foster care "dangerous"? It was their parents who caused them to be removed from their home, not them!!! These are sweet, lovable kids who just want a chance to be loved and cared for in the way they should have been in the first place. The way I heard it best described was by a couple who had adopted their son at birth. When they were talking to parents considering foster adoption, they said, "Keep your mind open when reading a child's profile. Consider what you would write about your OWN child. How would you sum their lives, their personalities, all of their strengths and flaws into a paragraph?" What child hasn't lied occasionally, or had an issue that should or might require counseling? What if someone tried to sum YOU up in a paragraph? I probably wouldn't sound that great either!
#3.) What would make us NOT want to do this? This is a chance for our family to grow in so many ways. We get to have the big family of our dreams, and at the same time, we get to give children who deserve a second chance the life they deserve. Sounds like a win-win to me!


So--for the naysayers out there who think we're crazy, maybe this isn't for you---but it's definitely the right fit for us!


For those of you who have been our support and encouragement along the way---thank you for making everyday easier--we love you!

The "Heart" Part of Waiting

So...now the waiting game begins. We should be certified this week, and then our caseworker can begin to try to match us with a sibling group. How long can that take, you ask? A week. A month. A year. Bottom line here, we have NO IDEA! 


For those of you that know me, "patient" is not really a word to aptly describe how I like to get things done. Especially when I'm excited or anxious, I want it NOW, and I also would love it if you could just hand over the reigns and let me do it myself, thank you very much. Unfortunately, that is just not the way this process works. You have to trust the people around you to do their jobs and make the best decisions for us. We have a PHENOMENAL caseworker, who has already worked tirelessly to get us this far in the process. BUT...I am just not a good wait-er. So, what to do in the meantime?


Well, to the amusement of my husband, I have begun spending every waking moment I have free from two year-old princess games and attempting to get ready for the new school year on AdoptUSKids, which I mentioned in my last post and the nationwide database of Heart Galleries. Heart Gallery of America is the coolest organization. The bottom line is this---when you select children as a "potential match", you have little more to go on than a picture and a paragraph that is supposed to sum up the child's entire life and personality. Its not a lot to go on. What Heart Gallery of America does is enlist professional photographers in locales across America. The photographers volunteer their time and talent to take professional, beautiful pictures of typically "hard to place" children available for adoption through foster care. They hold gallery showings as well as posting on the Internet. Sibling groups and children with particularly high medical or behavioral needs are classified as "hard to place", and these pictures give them the leg up they need to shine among all of the children that need a forever family.


Thus far, I have selected approximately 12 sibling groups--totaling 32 children as "potential matches". I would take all of them in a heartbeat---unfortunately, my husband is reluctant to move into a hotel. I have also suggested we move out of our spacious master bedroom and swap for the kid's room...it would mean we could fit lots more adorable, lovable children!! I will continue to lobby for a swap. Until then, the Internet and I will be close friends and partners in the waiting room of it all...

Where we are in the sticky red tape of it all...

So...how did we end up here?? Well, it all started with a website (doesn't it always?) I knew that adoption, specifically foster adoption, was the right fit for ME---but I had to convince Brian. I knew that the second he heard a child call him "Dad", that would be it--he would be in for the long haul. But I needed him to take that first step with me. So, I logged onto Google (where else?) and ended up on the AdoptUSKids website; a national photolisting of all the kids in foster care currently awaiting adoption. After a LONG search, I selected three sibling groups (yes, I said "group"---go big or go home, people) to cautiously show Brian. He didn't even blink. He still had some reservations, but he gave me the okay to start making phone calls.


Once you start looking at foster care from an adoption-only perspective, it means you look nationwide, and chances are, you will very likely end up with children from out-of-state. I started calling family services offices in Texas, Oregon...just looking for a place to start. I got a million different answers, and it quickly became frustrating. I just needed some ANSWERS!!


I got a phone call from a family friend, Linda, to whom I now owe a HUGE debt of gratitude. She directed me to Gateway-Longview,  a subsidized organization that works in tandem with Erie County Family Services to do a myriad of amazing things. In addition to training foster and adoptive families, they also provide residential services for troubled teens, family counseling, day care and therapeutic services, most importantly for us, provide matching and legal services for families hoping to adopt out of foster care. After a million unanswered phone calls to other agencies, I called Gateway and got someone on the phone immediately. Michelle, the supervisor, set us up with Kara, a parent trainer and homefinder.  It was a Thursday. They had foster certification classes starting on Monday, and they were willing to work with us to get us in the class!! In ten minutes on the phone with Gateway, I had more answers than I had gotten in two weeks of chasing my tail with other agencies. I was impressed, and my energy was renewed.


SO...six weeks, a million pages of paperwork, two homestudies and a LOT of learning later, we are being certified next week, and then the matching will begin.


Did you know, that right now, over 123,000 children are available for adoption through foster care in the United States??

Our Story...

In many ways, I have lived a beautiful life. I have an amazing mom and family. I married the man of my dreams at 24. I have a strong faith; I am blessed to be surrounded by an amazing group of friends and family, and go to work everyday to a job that gives me satisfaction and fulfillment.

However, almost a year into my marriage, my life was been turned upside down by life's challenges. I have a beautiful daughter who is almost three years old named Gabriella. She is the joy of my life. But when I was five months pregnant with her, my husband Brian was diagnosed with advanced stage III Hodgkin's lymphoma. In between obstetrician visits and sonogram appointments, we went to chemotherapy three days a week.

You have to understand, my husband is one of the strongest people that I know. He is a 6'1" police officer, and he is loved by everyone around him. I saw my husband on the brink of death, held his hand when he didn't even have enough strength to hold mine, and wondered if my daughter would have a father. However, out of that experience, we were surrounded by more support, love and encouragement from our friends and community than we thought was possible. I will never be able to properly thank those people who picked us up from our darkest hour.

Today, I have been blessed by two miracles: my beautiful, healthy daughter and my handsome husband who has been cancer-free for two and a half years. My one sadness in life is that as a result of his chemotherapy, we cannot have any more children.

On our first date, my husband and I both know we wanted a big family –twelve kids!! After two miscarriages and several failed tries at in vitro, we knew that there had to be another option for us. We had discussed adoption, but what are two civil servants to do about the enormous costs associated with these things?  I needed help! I want my house to ring with the joy of children's laughter as I always dreamed that it would, and I did not know how to make that dream come true.

Now, after a million phone calls and a lot of explaining, we have embarked on the lengthy process of adoption through foster care. It is virtually cost-free, and it will allow us to do exactly what I have always dreamed of doing—filling my house with kids who desperately need to be loved! 

How I Became a Blogger

I have finally decided to do what I should have done long ago...I love to write, I love to share, and it seems only appropriate that I should join the long list of bloggers everywhere. I can only hope that someone might find our story interesting enough to care how it is progressing!


As we have embarked on our journey into the weaving web of government-funded programming and red tape like I never knew existed, our friends and family have had an endless amount of questions. How does it work? What kids will come into our home? How did we decide to do THIS??


So, here is a place I hope to answer those questions and catch you all up on the grand changes life has planned (or un-planned) for us. And maybe, just maybe, one of you out there in cyberspace will discover that this is something you might want to try some day....:)